It was
beyond everything in my experience
and
beyond my ability to fix;
I have no right to judge her...
If i chose to stay with her,
knowing the risks,
i'd like to do is give her love and respect,
and
see
how the story would end ... ...
my heart is chaotic...
doing things that got no return...
i deserve it...
it's all fated!
Tuesday, May 18
Monday, May 17
IMperfecting perfection
What perfectionists do in their whole life is to achieve ultimate perfection...
What i'm doing right now is totally opposite...
Trying to "persuade" myself of the fact that perfecting your life is almost impossible...
Right to a certain extent, i'm defeated...
Not as confident as i was...
Not as detailed as i was...
Not as logical as i was...
Not as optimistic as i was...
Life itself is simple...
What complicates life is your own feeling...
Perfection is what i have been chasing for all this while...
When my feeling gets complicated, my life starts to become chaotic...
To make life looks easier, one of the ways is to NOT go for perfection...
For a perfectionist, it might work...
Most of the time, it deteriorates the situation...
WHY?
Because sooner or later, the seem-so-easy life would turn out to be so troublesome...
Things that u din perfect will “ask"for perfection eventually...
At the end,
u lose yourself,
u lose your feeling,
u lose your life!
Frankly, i'm losing mine...
What i'm doing right now is totally opposite...
Trying to "persuade" myself of the fact that perfecting your life is almost impossible...
Right to a certain extent, i'm defeated...
Not as confident as i was...
Not as detailed as i was...
Not as logical as i was...
Not as optimistic as i was...
Life itself is simple...
What complicates life is your own feeling...
Perfection is what i have been chasing for all this while...
When my feeling gets complicated, my life starts to become chaotic...
To make life looks easier, one of the ways is to NOT go for perfection...
For a perfectionist, it might work...
Most of the time, it deteriorates the situation...
WHY?
Because sooner or later, the seem-so-easy life would turn out to be so troublesome...
Things that u din perfect will “ask"for perfection eventually...
At the end,
u lose yourself,
u lose your feeling,
u lose your life!
Frankly, i'm losing mine...
记忆消逝中
时间让我麻木了。。。
不太喜欢记得东西了。。。
越是很努力，越是容易忘记。。。
种种的记忆和回忆都在慢慢的， 渐渐的， 消逝着。。。
害怕是必然的，
害怕的是以往美好回忆的磨灭，
更害怕的是自我完美性格的迷失，
印象中高傲自信的我，就好像成了影子，
只留着黑色躯体， 模糊起来了。。。
不太喜欢记得东西了。。。
越是很努力，越是容易忘记。。。
种种的记忆和回忆都在慢慢的， 渐渐的， 消逝着。。。
害怕是必然的，
害怕的是以往美好回忆的磨灭，
更害怕的是自我完美性格的迷失，
印象中高傲自信的我，就好像成了影子，
只留着黑色躯体， 模糊起来了。。。
Sunday, May 16
Not being myself anymore
Days are passing by...My last update on my blog was 15 months ago... sigh**
Things are going on well, i thought...
But then, i started to find out that when things around u changed, u changed...
The long-lost feeling of unsecured and lack of confidence again stroke me hard...
Diverged roads are ahead...
I'm losing my mind,
losing my ability to judge the others,
and also myself...
I'm starting to afraid of making decision, especially in front of that somebody...
I could not read my mind, leave alone hers...
Trying to understand, though it has all gone beyond logical judgement and sensible rationalising...
It has already gone very deep, deeper than what i thought it would be...
At the moment, i'm not whom i seem to be anymore...
Tuesday, March 31
Port Dickson trip... 28-29/03/2009
It has been ages since i last went for a true trip with friens...
haha... not that long also la... 2 years i guess...
Just like i have mentioned earlier, im still as forgetful as before... no idea where my memory has gone to!? hehe...
Got pros and cons also la... at least i would not have to remember those unhappy thing... not worth it to be stored in my memory also...
However, i hope i would not forget the PD trip that i joined in dis year...
The PD trip i have been to this time was my first travel to beach and seaside... Since small, i have always hoped to im a good swimmer and my family would have brought me to the seaside to play... However, my hope never come true due to various reasons la...
Honestly, this trip really brought quite alot of fun and unforgettable experience to me... Though i don know how to swim and somehow i have trauma towards water, i had successfully overcome the obstacle and eventually stepped onto the beaches and touched the seawater... ^.^ Honestly, i felt incredibly cool... Unluckily, i din manage to try the banana boat, i swear to myself, the nx time when i approach to seaside again, i might not miss any chances to try it...
The BBQ we had at night was undoubtedly a special one to me as well... There, i had my first time litting up the BBQ fire by my own... Felt so proud.. ^.^ We had a great time chit-chatting and sharing there... The lesson i learned is that BBQ is not about filling the stomach, but filling up soul... o.O
The night was a peaceful night as all of us were tired playing for the whole evening... We did not stay conscious and chat like we have planned... That night i saw all of the "members" gone into sleeping mode... I totally agree that when someone is sleeping, its utmost natural look shows... Those are the sweet and cute faces that only true friends could ever have the opportunities to take a glance at them...
SMA has truly marked another opening in my life... This may be the last time that we spent our time together traveling... I believe with the rapport that we have built, our friendship will last forever and ever...
fROm: ~jECk~
haha... not that long also la... 2 years i guess...
Just like i have mentioned earlier, im still as forgetful as before... no idea where my memory has gone to!? hehe...
Got pros and cons also la... at least i would not have to remember those unhappy thing... not worth it to be stored in my memory also...
However, i hope i would not forget the PD trip that i joined in dis year...
The PD trip i have been to this time was my first travel to beach and seaside... Since small, i have always hoped to im a good swimmer and my family would have brought me to the seaside to play... However, my hope never come true due to various reasons la...Honestly, this trip really brought quite alot of fun and unforgettable experience to me... Though i don know how to swim and somehow i have trauma towards water, i had successfully overcome the obstacle and eventually stepped onto the beaches and touched the seawater... ^.^ Honestly, i felt incredibly cool... Unluckily, i din manage to try the banana boat, i swear to myself, the nx time when i approach to seaside again, i might not miss any chances to try it...
The BBQ we had at night was undoubtedly a special one to me as well... There, i had my first time litting up the BBQ fire by my own... Felt so proud.. ^.^ We had a great time chit-chatting and sharing there... The lesson i learned is that BBQ is not about filling the stomach, but filling up soul... o.OThe night was a peaceful night as all of us were tired playing for the whole evening... We did not stay conscious and chat like we have planned... That night i saw all of the "members" gone into sleeping mode... I totally agree that when someone is sleeping, its utmost natural look shows... Those are the sweet and cute faces that only true friends could ever have the opportunities to take a glance at them...
SMA has truly marked another opening in my life... This may be the last time that we spent our time together traveling... I believe with the rapport that we have built, our friendship will last forever and ever...
fROm: ~jECk~
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