I used to dream about her every night since our last departure.
Nights have become my greatest fear.
I couldn't sleep at all.
I just couldn't help it.
But after what I did, I'm relieved.
It's a one-way ticket.
I knew it.
But I insisted in doing that because I couldn't think of a better idea.
I need to get myself out and move on.
Even though the price to pay is to be hated,
Even though the price to pay is to lose a friend,
Even though the price to pay is to tear the heart apart,
I did it.
The worst decision to make is to make no decision at all.
There's this time when u know u have to do something even though u're in doubt.
I did mine.
It was stupid. But i knew it had to be done.
In fact, i felt much better for making that decision.
Though, i'm not so sure whether it's the right call.
But, when u're stuck in a bad situation,
u have to make a move.
good or bad.
do it and see what happens.
Things can never be any worse, can they?
What's done is done and what's gone has already gone.
There's no point looking back especially when u know
giving up is the only option.
Right?
I have to admit that there will be an artist-of-the-year nominated by my inner me. It's being done subconsciously. Couldn't help it. Gary Chaw and JJ Lin had both been mine for the past two years respectively. This year? Adele. Fantastic vocal performance. Strong and deep voices. Can't get her songs off my mind. Seriously. At least for now. She's just amazing. Her songs are just soul-touching. Don't believe me? Hear it for yourself.
Rolling In The Deep [2011]
Someone Like You [2011]
These are just two provisional feeds. Don't bother to get somemore songs for yourself. U definitely are gonna like it. Not just like it. U're gonna repeat for thousands times like i did. The songs are addictive.
U might start wondering what the hell do adele's songs have to do with my title. Well. Nothing, literally. But, somehow, by listening to her songs. I found the importance of creating self-existence. Now, Adele has successfully created her appearance in me. Apparently, it's not just me. It's hundreds of millions of people on this earth. She exists for her voice. She exists for her performance. She exists for her belief.
We always hear people telling us that the reason for living is for yourself. U live for yourself rather than for others. But, is it true? Or maybe the question should be: can it be? I cannot. Certainly, i can't. At least not for current moment. I feel like i don't really exist. I seriously think that i ought to live for someone. or perhaps something. I feel pathetic for right now im living for myself. I'm alone. Of cos, i have family, girl friend, best friends and lots of good friends. BUT, i can feel the emptiness in myself. It's really empty. I wish i can express it. By any means. Like Adele. She expresses her feelings so well in her music. Arh. We are always told that music (singing) is a way to express oneself. How true? It's not easy. And if u observe carefully, it really does. But, how many people are able to express themselves just like Adele does? Very little. I mean most of us can't even face ourselves truthfully. U might not agree with me. but, Well, let's face it.
Self-existence is now associated to being honest to oneself. Oh mine. It's getting damn complicated. I've got it complicated. Great.
